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What I Am Learning About Healing

Healing is hard.

If you're on a path like this, it is a constant thing. You're always working on healing or finding ways to acknowledge your triggers, processing emotions, being mindful of your reactions, detaching, etc. It's hard.

I am really seeing how challenging healing is and how tiring it is - while at the same time, rewarding.

When I look back on my life and all the many forms and versions of myself that existed, I am often brought back to the depressed version of myself...and it was hard to be her too.

It is so difficult to be depressed. So hard to get out of bed in the morning to do the things that don't light you up, So difficult to love yourself in a society that is programmed to make you feel the opposite. It is a sinking feeling to be constantly operating from a place of lack energy. It's hard.

Healing isn't much different when you really observe the process.

Healing involves a lot of crying, a lot of release, pattern changing, behaviour changing, and a lot more. Your inner and outer environment changes, And that is terrifying. It is uncomfortable, it is a lot of unknowns. it is a lot of taking leaps of faith in yourself and not knowing what is going to happen. It is about moving through things even though you're scared. It is about doing things that you've never done before and learning. It is about falling flat on your face...multiple times, and then getting right back up as if it almost doesn't phase you. It is about detaching from the old meaning and emotions you have to everything around you.

It takes time.

And then you get on this path and realize it almost feels endless. Once you heal one thing, new things pop up. New triggers, new depths, new emotions that you've never felt before will continue to surface.

And you can ride this healing wave just as you did the depressive wave. Like a pendulum, you can go just as intensely into the healing and that can be just as heavy.

There has got to be that healthy balance. You do not have to be actively healing all the time.

And that's where I am at on my journey. I am trying to find the balance between giving and receiving, between being present and processing my thoughts, and just being here and being human in general. Working to find a place that -- for the most part - keeps me in my version

of homeostasis.

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